6 December 2010

Tis' the season...

...to be abandoned for American football! Alas I am an NFL widow, every Sunday at midnight I am left to amuse myself while the other half watches burly men play a more protected version of rugby. To be honest, it couldn't be a worse time to say the last rites to our relationship for a night. What is there honestly to do this late at night on a Sunday? Why couldn't I just be left to my own devices during a Thursday afternoon, then I could just nip down to Starbucks to consume my new addiction (A peppermint mocha with cream FYI) with some tacky magazine. But I'm stuck here, deported to the bedroom. Confined, and being driven a bit loopy with the urge to do something creative. I opted to paint my nails. I know...my life is a whizz. I can hear you thinking...

Gosh darn, Lara has such an interesting life; if only she updated this blog a little more, then my own life would be fufilled, knowing that she does daily meaningless tasks really gives me purpose to keep on living!

My nails are purple if you want to know.

I've re-discovered a new joy of mine this past week; iPod shuffling. After a year of listening to the same mundane music, I finally got round to bugging mister man to download as much music for me as possible (After him huffing for a few days, and complaining that it would take ages; in reality it took him 3 hours EASY) I updated the poor music block. I have now so much music, I'm honestly spoilt for choice: I'm drowning in bass notes and drum beats! So to get to the point of my ramble, I've opted to continually use shuffle until I get myself acquainted.
There is no greater joy than walking through a crowded Tescos with your headphones in, laughing that these fools don't know your guilty secret...your listening to some UB40...oh...and what's next...some slipknot? Why if they only knew, what would they think of me?! I'll tell you, it's very difficult to avoiding doing some sweet shuffle moves in the dairy aisle when some Michael Buble comes on...you have to contain yourself to maybe a small spin near the tinned ham. Because I doubt they can handle the fact I'm mouthing the words. If I'm not careful they'll think I'm going to put on some one woman Glee performance at the deli counter.

With guilty pleasures and quirks on my mind, is it odd for a 21 year old woman to get slightly teary when she sees someone throwing a teddy bear forcefully? I must be a little bit on the '40 cats short of a spinster'. When out frolicking in the snow (Get your minds out of the dirty slush, I'm just talking about throwing snowballs etc.) I happened to come across a frostbitten teddy-bear sitting on-top of a car, completely immersed in the snow. All I could think is what 'heartless bastards' could leave a poor defenceless fluffy being in the minus degrees weather?! To add to the injustice that was being served, the bear was then heartlessly flung into the street by one of the creatures I was with. I don't think they took the sad look on my face and pleas to 'give it back' were taken with as much sincerity as I would have hoped. I needed to save her. Call me a hero, call me a saint, just call me, my number is 0779**2***1; I'm lonely.


Anyway, I decided to take Holly Bear (Yes, yes, that is her name now) back home. A good wash and dry later, and she has the great honour of being my new Christmas bear. She even has a dress that is red and green. Very pretty. The moral of this story is don't leave Teddies in the snow. You'll make me sad.

So yes. Winter is upon us. Now 6 days in to my advent calender ( A malteasers one may I add, very posh). You really can't beat rolling in a foot deep snow down a hill on the beach. That's right, a bloody beach! Who knew, the world's logic stands on its head in December!
I'll give you a tip, don't have your mouth open in a snowball fight;
1) Screw just yellow snow, ALL snow tastes funky.
2) When a snowball hits the back of your throat, you honestly believe you will choke to death, then it melts and you feel like a fool. A fool!

I'm going to leave you with that beauty of a piece of advice.
I'm wearying, I just want a cup of tea and to put my onesie on. (Yes, I could get lamer if I tried).

Night night my little snowflakes!


ps. Only 19 more sleeps til Christmas!

15 September 2010

7 Days and counting...

... well for once it wasn't me to be keeping tabs. I was just reminded of the exact time left until I grow up; where no longer can I be considered a youth, but more like a fully fledged grown up! I could even drink in America if I so desired( Although I do think by the time that I could ever save up enough money to get to America, I would be well past the legal age...I would no longer look like someone young living it up, but more like a desperate cougar with a drink problem).
I'm pleased to announce to myself that my hard work shaking my wobbly bits in-front of a TV with the curtains closed has paid off (Get your minds out of the dirt...I'm only talking about a fitness DVD). I thought 'Enough is enough' when all I could fit into was leggings recently, between wearing them and my fake uggy boots, I was slowly transforming into a proper dole dosser...

Dole Dosser; NOUN; Someone who is a right lazy twat and gets money for sitting on their arse and appearing on Jeremy Kyle.

But I tried on my jeans that gave me more muffin than a discount bakers...and they slid on just fine, whoppee!

Ohhhhh, my lovely man treated me to a nice new outfit today for my birthday celebrations next week. Not only that but the poor dear sat outside on a bench with nothing but my ipod and an ironing board for an hour while I made up my mind. THAT is a well behaved man! (Joke. Still true).

So since I am the official woman of my new flat hold (3 men with more hair on their heads than myself); I have taken upon myself to do girlie household hobbies...such as cross stitching (Rather fun). Check out my first time go...

That took me about two hours, and a dramatic episode of Eastenders to do! My next attempt is a Minnie Mouse one (Homely AND childish!).
Then for my next up and coming performance, and after a threat; I dyed my sofa. I'll backtrack and explain....
Once upon a time, a poor lonely sofa; unwanted by its nasty step parents, was going to be thrown out into the deep dark yonder. It was by no means a beautiful sofa. Its cotton skin was thin, and it was the shade of a sheep in mud. It was the troll of sofas. But along came a kind soul, who looked at the ugly beast, and saw its inner beauty....the kind soul thought to use her magical powers of creativeness to make the beast into a sofa that even DFS would be proud to sell at full price. So the kind soul ran away with the sofa, and for months the sofa sat untouched until a fateful day, where it's horrible nasty cotton robes were transformed into a stunning parma violet colour. Everyone's eyes were amazed and noone could believe that this was once a troll. So forever more the kind soul had somewhere both pretty and comfortable to sit And the beautiful sofa lived happily ever after!


And here is what the pretty sofa looks like now...

So include that with the cooking, cleaning and baking I do, and I'm a perfect little housewife material!

On the topic of wife; I'm currently watching "Don't tell the Bride". It is honestly making me cringe, how can you honestly leave the wedding up to these half wits.... a tacky Vegas wedding...mm....yes please....drive through...oh can't get me there quick enough! I think it's fair to say I would happily a runaway bride if my groom couldn't get it right... I feel quite sorry for the women on this show.

Tomorrow is my first day back at college; and they are throwing us in the deep end of the wash basin. 3 months off, no practise, blunt scissors and they are making us start on clients as soon as we get into class. I cannot see this ending in anything but mullets and bleached perms.

I'm off down the road to the flat; I can't wait until the flat is rigged up to the world outside.

Nighty nighty my poopsies!

Lara x&&o


18 August 2010

I solemnly swear never to leave you alone...

I have not been swamped. That's a lie. I have not been distracted. That's a lie. I got lazy. Yes. But that's me. I am lazy. Bit hard to kick the habit, I'll always be lazy, just who I am. But just to prove to myself that I can continue something is what I'm aiming for. So I'm back.
It's time for me to finish or continue what I've started. I'm going to be a big proper adult sized human in about one months time (the big 21!), and with great age, comes great responsibility, so here I am (AGAIN).

I thought I need to work myself back into this again, so I'm just going to do a fun little exercise to warm us all up here...(If you get a little sweaty just wipe it away, and keep hydrated!)

A - Age: 20
B - Bed size: Double
C - Chore you hate: Tidying/Dishes/Dusting
D - Dog’s name: Aine
E - Essential start your day item: Cup of tea
F - Favorite colors: I think I'm a closet pink fan...
G - Gold or Silver: Gold
H - Height: 5’ 11
I - Instruments you play: Nothing!
J - Job title: Sales Assistant
K – Kids: In the future...
L - Living Arrangements: Living with my lover boy.
M - Mother’s name: Rebecca
N - Nicknames: Don't have any.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: To get my tonsils out.
P - Pet Peeve: Smokers (Especially those who smoke while walking infront of you).
Q - Quote from a movie: "Your right, it's probably not as intimidating as having the nails of a bag lady..."
R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: Jack and Squiggles.
T - Time you wake up: Anytime I want..
U - Underwear: Wonderbra!
V - Vegetable you dislike: Beetroot urgh
W - Workout style: Belly Dancing dvd (Oh yeah)
X - X-rays you’ve had: None
Y - Yesterday’s best moment: I had a nice bath ran for me!
Z - Zoo favorite: Penguins

Hope you enjoyed those small facts about me.

I'm currently watching X-men origins:Wolverine. And dear goodness. I do love a good action film like this. And I can't say that Ryan Reynolds doesn't add to the beauty of it all. YUM YUM YUM.

As they say in the films 'I'll be back'....

Love and cuddles

Lara x&o

13 June 2010

All Work and no play...

...makes Lara really tired, and quite irritable.
Since I got this blessing of a job, I've been pooped. Yes, I have put my hand up, shouting "me me me" when it comes to overtime. I'm mentally drooling over my pay-check which is due in 5 days, while dissecting it into sizeable chunks to do me for a month until I get my next one.
Thankfully today I have no given myself a weeks rest before I put myself up for a few more hours. This week is about me getting some rest.
Tomorrow I am going to spend about a tenner in Primark (They practically pay me to spend money there), followed by college, where I'm going to badger someone to dye my hair for me. While trying to put off doing any work last session, I decided my new hair colour, which will be accompanied by highlights for the summer (but they will come next week, It'll give my hair a good week's rest too before I force it and some peroxide to tango).
Tonight, I have finally got around to painting my toenails; it's time I start making my tootsies look nice for onlookers when I wear some sandals. Although missing part of one of my toe-nails (urgh; don't ask).
It feels like it's been a long time since I got home (a month and a half is long time in homebird years). Starting to crave daily 2 minute chats with my little bro on the phone. Usually consists of what he ate, what he is going to do, then him declaring there is a badger...
There is no Badger

It's funny, trust me.

Oh talking of siblings, I have a new little bro/sis on the way; super excited! Due around January; so good excuse to stay longer over Christmas! :)

It's rather sad that it's 10:08pm, and I'm already considering going to bed. People take the life out of me. I'm so utterly sick of customers being really stupid and awkward around me. It's truly not too hard to crack a smile at me, say hi, and thank me! It may only be a job, but I am human. It's the mixture of the children and old ladies that make the day a little easier. The old woman talk nonsense in my ear, say something adorable, then scuttle off to the bus with their passes and boiled sweets; then the children trying to be like big people, paying with money. They look so satisfied with themselves with even being able to reach the counter in the first place.
But if another customer picks up an item and throws it down, or snatches something off me, I may just scream over the tannoy at them and then punch them in the face....
So please, next time you're in Primark, be tidy, or you may end up with a missing tooth and a new found fear of sales assistants.

I finally figured out why a lot of Asians may be very small... by the time they finish eating with their chopsticks, they have lost all the calories they are eating. It's tiring. I feel like leaving food in the bowl due to the lack of energy I have to continually eat 3 grains of rice at a time. Me and lover boy finally got around to going to a Japanese restaurant we had heard many good things about. Delicious AND cheap. But if your starving, well bring your own fork, it's going to take you a while to shut the rumbles in your tummy up at that rate.

Oh god, I forgot the washing in the machine; it's gonna smell of old man urine if I leave it any longer. Our washing machine has a good talent of making nice things smell shit if you don't get them into the dryer in time...urgh...

Toodleoo until sometime..

Lara x&&o

26 May 2010

The sun will come out tomorrow...

...or at least with a few clouds covering it, playing peekaboo. I love this glorious weather, yesterday I spent 2 1/2 hours just lying on the beach; I'm pretty sure I fell asleep at one stage it was that nice! But don't worry, I applied factor 15 before I left the house!
When the sun is out, I feel a good sense of cheer; releases happy hormones! The possibility of BBQ's, tans, and having an excuse to wear skirts, shorts and sandals just gets me into an excited frenzy.
I'm looking forward to this summer. Plans so far are having a few friends over, nice dinners, copious grilled meat, tanning, birthday parties and a newly planned trip to London!
Thought it is a reasonable idea; since I'm not getting away anywhere where factor 50 should be the minimum, I'm going to do the touristy London experience. Lover boy and I going to the museums, Madame Tussaud's,and the London Dungeons, not to mention a fancy dinner, maybe a cream tea if I'm lucky. Try and fit in as much as I can into 2 days. I'm excited. And It's even better that I can probably no doubtingly afford it now too.
I have a job!! Hallelujah! I got the interview last Wednesday, and offered it on the same day, and the training started on the Thursday. Pretty cool! So I'm taking on as much overtime as I can, so I can have a summer were I don't have to pause and think "Hey...if I get this, does it mean I have to starve myself for a day??".

I only have 3 weeks of College left, and I have officially received my certificate that I have passed my Level 1!! So it means I'm qualified to wash and blow dry your hair...oh and that I'm not a massive Liability around the shop floor. Haha.
I'm applying tomorrow to do a short course in ear piercing, first they give me scissors, now I'll get a gun! Someone must trust me...

Poor Eddie isn't looking too well. Moved him to a sauce pan through the week, our equivalent to a care home for fish. To let him pass on without Beyonce being all in his face. But maybe he is a really good mime, but once second he is dead, one second he is flipping about. I personally think he is just acting, but I can't think of why, it's not like I'm forcing him to go to school...

Our house is currently over ran by insects; while I was at Asda last night, my huni bean removed 4 spiders from the house. I have vacuumed up so many woodlouse. And not to mention stood on a slug that was one of many lurking in the bathroom. Digusting.
I know alot of people could call this little house a disaster; but I'm a little nervous of moving out of it, due to the idea that we could easily move into somewhere much much worse. And I HATE house hunting. Going around getting viewings, then having to hear someone spout obvious lies to you about how "Roomy" somewhere is (Roomy for you to fit your stuff in, but not to be able to move around it when you put it in), or "the neutral shading" (Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's meant to be a neutral cream colour, not a a light brown...) or even "The great close amenities like shops etc" (ie. You have nothing good to say about the inside, so talk about the great outside which is only going to make me want to sleep on the street instead of inside this dump). I feel like I should just tell the boys to look, but then the house wouldn't accommodate me, only their need to make loud noises.

By the way, if you ever fancy some cheap dark chocolate, eat Asda own brand...26p...it's really nice.

Toodle pip for now
Love Larakins.


11 May 2010

I'm sorry I went away...

...Did I scare you?
I know, bad bad, terrible terrible person. Don't dare leave the blog alone again, it'll hurt itself!!
Guess what? I'm back in Brighton. And for the 5th..6th...day in a row, I'm sitting on the sofa bored out of my mind! The weather was lovely when I was away, and now It's dreary and dismal. No money to do anything. So I have caught up on so many T.v. programmes, and even found a new one to obsess over; Modern Family. If you can, watch it. Brilliant!
While sitting on my ass again, I'm watching my lover boy get irritated by the second over mumbo-jumbo paper and finance sheets. All this stupid bullshit has just revolved around us since I got back. Sorting money, Applying for jobs. All that crap. That was the beautiful thing of being back home, I could push the all the grown up thoughts to the side and just spend my pocket money on sweets, and fun stuff without any bad karma hitting me upside the head.
As far as I am aware, at this point, next year I shall be living with 4 males. It technically means I can get as hormonal as I want JUST to equal out and bring more feminine vibes to the house. Brilliant excuse. I'll be the house mother. Although they can bugger off if any of them think I will do any more than cook occasionally, bake once in a while, or moan when they haven't aimed correctly in the bathroom.

Talking of delicious baking, I made an apple crumble the other night. Thought to myself, "What am I to do with several apples that look super lonely and slightly decaying from that fruit bowl?". So I made a delicious crumble. One of the best parts is the smell that comes from the oven. The warm wafting current of cinnamon and apple in the air. Super homely! Shame I'm the only one appreciating my cooking skills. You would all be undeniably impressed.

My scars on the back of my leg aren't looking too bad. Still tiny bit of bruising, but nothing a tan can't fix! The new incision that was made to my leg last week isn't looking perhaps like anything I had hoped, but the lump is out and I'll happily trade a scar for it anyday. I went on Wednesday (I mean more that I trekked over Brighton) to the hospital to get my stitches out, and during the getting them out bit, the guy kept saying...
You really should have left these in a bit longer...it's looking a bit gapy now.

Well tell me this mister nurse man...should you not have stopped and told me to come back? So instead of a small 2 inch long line, I have a centimetre wide scar on my leg. Well, currently healing, not technically a scab yet.
I just wish the sun would come out, and brown me up!

So after lots of weeks off, I got back to Tech yesterday. And goodness me, alot had changed. A few had left, we have now started our second year, and we NOW work on proper clients! Ahhh. It is truly scary. But I decided to just jump in and start. It paid off, in more than one ways. I did the root tint successfully, AND I got a tip! Woo. A pound! Which believe it or not, I'm saving up. I'm super happy with it.
Oh, and I found out, that from the hair show, I came 5th in my group of 30. YAY!

I feel like having a good cup of tea.

Oh, got a new goldfish. Her name is Beyonce; we had received some sort of joke/prank/rumour text the night we got her, saying that the real Beyonce had died, so after looking allllll round the internet to find the truth, the fish was named Beyonce. It has a big bottom. So It works quite well.

I'm off to put the kettle on.

Good night :)


21 April 2010

A temporary Lisp...

That's what I had for at least 3 1/2 hours today. I really dislike those injections into your gums. I was getting a beautiful replacement filling; I treated myself to a white one, it now looks like there hasn't been years of decay and neglect! Woo.
As for my sliced leg, it's doing awesome. Walking like normal, running like I never do. Pretty awesome I'd say for sure. Although from the knee upwards its a rainforest of fuzzy leg hair, and I still have to wear my white tube sock support thing. So I'd say for the next few weeks it's going to take alot before I get to sexy leg status.
I'm sitting enjoying a Pear Picking Porky ice lolly; a beautiful luxury. I don't particularly know how I can get through the summer in England without having delicious fruit flavoured water pops. There is only so much ice cream I can deal with. Its pretty much frozen milk, and noone wants milk on a warm day.

Here's a situation I want you to think about; You are at the zoo, you have two small children with you, around the ages of 10, Do you or do you not let them touch the wild animal? Keeping in mind there are several signs warning...
Do not Touch the animal. It will Bite if Annoyed.

I would guess your answer would be no? Well that would be correct. But according to a mother I seen at the zoo, She let her children do the above, along with throwing rocks at ducks, and feeding the praerie dogs. Disgusting.
Okay, I suppose, not being a mother, I can't say anything. But I'm pretty sure putting them at risk isn't a thumbs up.
Ohh ohhh ohh, or how about teaching your one year old to say such classic phrases as...
Fuck Off

Beautiful. Especially in a park, full of innocent, non corrupted children. But then again, if the mother of the child is as orange as a brick wall, with dry seaweed extensions and wearing cut off trackie bottoms, you can 'understand'. The next generation. I can't wait to see them in full swing.
Though there is hope in the shape of my little brother. He showed a profound respect for the animals in the zoo. I daresay the monkeys were his favourite that day. The ooooohhs and ahhhssss were brilliant to listen to. And I have gained some respective muscle in my arms from lifting him around. Buff as!

Well, on the point of exercise. Here is a bit of mathematics for you;
Girls + A Man's Bicycle + 3 1/2 miles = Sore Bruised Bum

So not pleasant. As my friend, Becky, who came cycling with me, the seat was described as a "Hard Plastic Thong". Disgusting and unnecessary for someone who has a frankly flat ass. No padding pretty much.

Talking of sore bums, mine has gone numb from sitting here. Must dash!

Toodlepip, Lara.

ps. I will leave you with this delightful image. Makes your insides feel a childish glee.